I still do this. He isn't deployed any more, but almost certainly will be deployed yet again within the next year or so. I thought I was just having trouble letting go of the deployment mindset, the defense mechanisms I'd put into place. In truth, I was sort of beating myself up over not being able to stop the random morbid moments. I definitely didn't share it with anyone either, lest they try to send me to a shrink!

AFW said it well, though:

It sounds tremendously morbid to a lot of people, like I live in some kind of depressive fog. The funny thing is, I don't feel depressed about it. I feel lucky. Not lucky that we have deployments hanging over us and time apart. But lucky that I've been able to realize what we have NOW, while AFG is still with me. I have been able to better figure out when we have disagreements that are silly, and decide that they just don't matter.

Thanks Ruthie, I needed to hear that today. I needed to hear that I'm not crazy (well, any more than usual, anyway). Thanks for the info about the diamonds too, I'd forgotten about that possibility.