I've said before that I don't feel like I've earned the 'cancer label.' I often feel guilty about that, especially when people talk about me as if I'm some hero for surviving or something. Most of the time it feels like I just have a treatable disease, say something like diabetes. I pop a magic pill every day, I get to keep on going. Easy, right? Uh-huh.
More than once if I've said something about a side effect or struggle, I've gotten the "at least you're still alive" type response. Yep. I'm alive. Clearly. Does that make my day to day issues irrelevant? Am I supposed to be positive and happy all the time because I'm alive? Where's that magic pill? I'd really like a prescription for those happy pills, please. Never mind the hair loss, weight gain, depression/mood swings, temperature regulation issues, ongoing fatigue ... I could go on for a while. But I'm alive, yay. Happy dance, anyone?
I sometimes want to tell people that I'll be positive tomorrow or in an hour, right this second I'm grumpy. I'm allowed to be, same as you are when you've had a bad day or are dealing with stress. My being grumpy doesn't warrant a pep talk every time, especially when I post on FB with a good dose of sarcasm and a winking emoticon.
Edited to add: I wouldn't tell a chemo patient venting about her lack of hair to look on the bright side and be happy she's alive, that seems insensitive and uncaring to me. Of course she's upset, that sucks. I'd listen as a friend and offer to help if I could or cheer her up. But I got that three times in one thread tonight - how am I different if it's all cancer?
Yep, I need a magic happy pill. Or maybe a correct thyroid medication dose ... hmm.
That said, there are others in your shoes who would be great to commiserate with. The general population can not handle real. If you don't look like those meek, grateful people on Extreme Makeover Home Edition, there's something wrong with you.
Blech. (All that is to say I hear you, and what you're going through sucks ass. No amount of gratitude can change that.)
PS - Thanks for commenting, I'd lost your blog link and just caught up. I wish I could come buy you a drink or help you with the day to day tasks that can seem overwhelming. Please know you're in my thoughts today, at the very least.