She Who Waits

Thank you so much for your posts....I have been following for years...our husbands seem to always leave at same time! You put into words what I am not able to. THANK YOU.

Shitty phone calls are almost as bad as no phone calls because you're so close to the goodness of his voice, but you're just so frustrated at not being able to piece it all together. I'm sorry for the rightherinmyface day. I'm thinking of you and I hope you get a good solid phone call soon.

I know you wrote this a while ago... But... I could have written so much of it just months ago and even sometimes right now. Except that at the moment I'm distracted from all of my 'tumor' feelings because my husband is leaving for deployment in just a couple weeks... My point is... I read this and I get it. And if you need someone who has been in a similar--not same, but similar type of trench, you give me a yell or shoot be a blog comment.

I *so* hear this. It's like... People who have been dealt a health blow are expected to be happier just for freaking being alive, but people who haven't been dealt a health blow get to be grumpy about losing their keys. And the 'degrees' of sympathy you get based on the cancer scale bug me too. I hear you. And I'm grumpy with you.

I remember that with my dad... he lost 45lbs, ALL of his hair (I'm talking entire body, weirdest to see where the missing eyelashes), and most of his strength. Of course we were thrilled he was still with us, but if people said "at least he's still alive" it was almost a slap in the face of everything he had to suffer through for 6mo to get to that point of STILL being alive. I like the idea of the shirt though!

Exactly, Megan. Gratitude doesn't change the suck-factor, does it? My friend suggested a t-shirt telling folks to back off, it's just a cancer day. I think I like it.

PS - Thanks for commenting, I'd lost your blog link and just caught up. I wish I could come buy you a drink or help you with the day to day tasks that can seem overwhelming. Please know you're in my thoughts today, at the very least.

Ugh. They do this to my husband and me, too. Look, we're happier than anyone else that he's alive. That doesn't take away the trauma, pain, discomfort, and drug side effects of him being blown up and losing a leg. These are the same people who frowny face when they accidentally get served the wrong latte.

That said, there are others in your shoes who would be great to commiserate with. The general population can not handle real. If you don't look like those meek, grateful people on Extreme Makeover Home Edition, there's something wrong with you.

Blech. (All that is to say I hear you, and what you're going through sucks ass. No amount of gratitude can change that.)

You, me and a Twilight movie marathon to get ready to see the new one?

Sweet girl!!

I love that you still come here to vent and share your thoughts. I hate that you're hurting and yet, it's COMPLETELY expected!!

I read your post today about feeling so alone... and here you're saying, people are offering to see you. Maybe you're unsure about who to call because you only want to be handled a certain way and by a certain "type" of friend. My best friend is going through chemo and has lost all of her hair. She likes talking to me via phone but refuses to see me. She spends time with her family but only shares her fears with me.

What I'm trying to say here is NO ONE can tell you what you need in this time except you. And yes, doubled with a husband who has to shut down, I'd be going batshit crazy too. But here is when you connect with yourself... or others in ways you may not have expected before. Here is when you ALLOW someone else to be there for you.

Sending you love through the bloggysphere. xxoo

Lady... cancer is cancer, no matter how "easy" or the "survival rate" you've been through a lot, drug through the mud with doctors, and now you have a long road ahead... you are perfectly fine feeling this way! I pray your recovery goes smoothly and that the lymphnodes don't come back cancerous as well.

I think I'd be a permanent resident of Crazytown if I had to endure everything that you have! Seriously, you have gone through so much. You deserve some sort of award - or at least a huge hug! I'll be thinking of you.

Thanks for all your efforts that you have put in this. Very interesting info. "Friends do not live in harmony merely, as some say, but in melody." by Henry David Thoreau.

Hugs and prayers for you, sweet lady.

I just found your blog. My husband just switched from NG to Active and is leaving in January for 4 months of training. I am trying to process everything and find it helpful to read your thoughts. I pray that you and your husband are reunited soon. God bless.
-rebekah

#1) I'm late checking in to see, but I'm so sorry you're dealing with the 'c-word.' Even with perspective it's a big deal.

With that said, you have had enough things going on this go around that OF COuRSE you're missing the in-person comfort.

Sending you ((((hugs)))) and reminding you to be gentle with yourself.

GIANT hugs to you, Stephanie. Sending healing thoughts and prayers your way.

I really hope he gets to be there for you too. You have had a lot to deal with lately, to say the least, so it would be nice for something to go your way.

I think you are doing the best you can to stay strong, and that is ask you can ask of yourself. Continue to treat yourself kindly. I hope things are better today for you too, and they continue that way.

It does sound like you have a great perspective on everything.

I have a good friend who's going through the treatment for this exact diagnosis. http://letthedunnshine.blogspot.com/2010/11/passing-inspection.html
Thinking about you.

I don't really know the exact words that I want to say. I just want to wish you a very quick journey back to completely healthy Stephanie and with no unforeseen bumps in the road. Someday I will find that magic wand.